Dante: I'm here to introduce Mr. Brandon Jacobs, the chairman of the newly formed Heaven Incorporated.
BJ: Thank you for the kind introduction Dante. As you know the Vatican has recently formed a partnership with my company in order to market the new Angelus (tm) processor.
Dante: Tell me more about it.
BJ: The Angelus (tm) Processor represents a breakthrough for the computer industry! It is 10-20 times faster than anything currently available on the modern PC market, and we can offer it at half the price of current top of the line CPUs.
Dante: Faster than even the best chips Intel or AMD has to offer?
BJ: Undoubtedly. The benchmarks don't lie. The Angelus (tm) processor blows the doors off the competition. It's all thanks to its 3D data processing model. Adding that 3rd dimension to the data allows the Angelus (tm) processor to take advantage of that odd paradox that is only apparent in 3D, that sometimes the shortest distance between 2 points is actually a curve and not a straight line.
Dante: Well that certainly sounds amazing.
BJ: That's only the beginning! The Angelus (tm) processor also features Circular Logic (tm), this allows it to rapidly jump to conclusions based on the data it is processing. Once the conclusion has been jumped to, it is much faster to check if it is correct rather than to have gone through all the previous calculation steps. This saves a tremendous amount of time for the end user.
Dante: So what does this translate to for the real world?
BJ: This means that consumers can buy the world's fastest CPU for a very reasonable price. Our market analysts have already predicted that the Angelus (tm) processor will seize a 25% share of the market in the opening year alone. And in a few more years, Heaven's Angelus (tm) processor may outsell Intel and AMD combined!
Dante: Can you tell us what the proceeds of the sales will be used for?
BJ: Well I'm glad you asked that question, Dante. Every time an Angelus (tm) processor is sold, a certain amount of royalties will be paid to the Vatican. The Vatican then uses these monies to pay for Church expenses as well as its numerous charitable programs.
Dante: In other words, buying an Angelus (tm) processor is like tithing to the Church or donating to a charity?
BJ: That's right, Dante. By buying the Angelus (tm) processor, you're not only getting the fastest CPU on the market today, you're also contributing to a charitable cause!
Dante: Well that does sound great, but will today's software be able to handle the Angelus (tm) chip?
BJ: I'm glad you asked that. The Angelus (tm) chip features Talk Down (tm) compatibility. It can take 2D data in, process it in 3D, then translate the data to a 2D stream that the software can understand. It works with all modern software operating systems including Windows, Mac, Unix, and many others. And the amazing part is that it maintains 80% efficiency even when talking to non-native 2D programs. Imagine the performance breakthroughs you'd see with a native 3D operating system.
Dante: So you're saying that the Angelus (tm) chip can adapt to any operating system the user wants?
BJ: That's right, because at Heaven Inc., we believe that the customer's needs are paramount. In fact the Angelus (tm) CPU is the first chip in the world to include Babel Talk (tm), a built-in international language decoder. This allows it to adjust to and understand the language that the end user is typing in, on the fly.
Dante: Well there you have it. Move aside Intel and AMD, the fastest chip in the world, the Angelus (tm) processor, has arrived. If you are a devout Christian who wishes to donate to the Church, it behooves you to buy one today!
BJ: Look for it in a store near you. You'll know that the computer has a genuine Angelus (tm) chip by the "Heaven Inside" (tm) logo!
[Limited Time Offer: Special 10% Discount available for individuals who have Catholic Nation membership! Call 1-800-I-Luv-God for more details.]
